Dear Counsellor:

I am planning to get married but I am experiencing conflict with my mate. We can't seem to agree on certain issues, so maybe the marriage is off.

- Alan

Dear Alan:

Conflicts are a part of life and we need to be able to resolve them as they arise. You must realise that you both will disagree on certain issues. Sometimes each person has to compromise while at other times you both will have to agree to disagree. Each individual has values and attitudes, some non-negotiable. Couples must respect the positions of one other. Respect for each other's views will go a long way to resolving conflict.

Conflicts and disputes are a natural part of relationships. There are therapists who can help you to explore the issues. In a non-judgmental way, the therapist will explore the issues between both parties. Each individual will get a chance to air his views on the issues and ventilate his feelings. Sometimes, just ventilating the negative feelings leads to conflict resolution. Negative feelings and attitudes will escalate the conflict and prevent peaceful resolution. The therapist will help the individual deal with those emotions.

In marriage, there will be times when you'll disagree on issues. You will learn techniques and strategies from this episode to deal with future disputes. Marriage enrichment and marriage counselling are essential, as well as the premarital counselling. It is best before marriage that each individual see a therapist to deal with unresolved issues so that the individual can cope better with marriage.

Dear Counsellor:

I identified with your article in The Gleaner recently. I am shy and am afraid of speaking in public. I am a professional, but I'm afraid to speak into the microphone. I know that this is impeding my career and I need some help to deal with this problem.

- Sonia

Dear Sonia:

I have had several responses to the article on public speaking. This is a common problem among professionals and it hinders career progress. There are various organisations in Jamaica which cater to public speaking. You will need to enquire where these groups are located.

Counselling will help you to deal with your anxiety. During the therapy sessions, you will practise speeches and the therapist will guide you. It is money well spent.

Practise speaking up when you are in meetings or in a group. You will need to practise breathing exercises to help you deal with the anxiety. Visualisation of success will help you to persist to the end.