Yvonnie Bailey- Davidson

Dear Counsellor:

I am 26 years old and I am getting involved in a male-female relationship for the first time. I would like to know how to make a relationship lasting.

- Marsha

Dear Marsha:

Relationships are good things when they work. In the beginning, individuals only see the good side of the relationship and ignore the negative side. However, as time passes the negative side of the relationship becomes more prominent. They say love is blind and love goes through the window when responsibilities and money matters become important.

We all have our values and goals. Our beliefs and attitude are what guide us and allow us to function in society. There are social norms which guide behaviour, but these keep changing as the years go by. We need to be guided by our Christian principles and strive towards our goals.

Successful relationships are built on trust, respect, intimacy, friendliness and forgiveness. Each individual has his views on life issues and needs to learn to tolerate diverse viewpoints without compromising himself or herself. Our personality and character traits will help us to manage relationships.

In relationships, individuals need to show kindness, concern, cooperation, agreement and empathy. Individuals need to be friends with each other. The sharing of past tragedies should be done carefully and tactfully. Not everyone can deal with the negatives that can affect an individual.

Spending time together is necessary in relationship. This companionship makes for caring and showing of affection. We need to be demonstrative in our affection. We should kiss, hug, caress, massage and touch daily. This will improve the intimacy in the relationship.

Money matters can be a problem as there are bills to pay. Each individual should have an income as things are expensive. Remember the Jamaican expression 'one hand can't clap'. Financial goals need to be set and plans need to be made as to how the money will be saved or spent.

Perils of sex

Dear Counsellor:

I am a teacher and am concerned about the level of sexual activity among the students. The school performance of these students is poor.

- Ms Brown

Dear Ms Brown:

The sexual revolution has precipitated the florid sexual behaviour of teenagers and even the pre-teens. The students are very aware of sexual matters and are experimenting with sex. Some students are having sex in exchange for favours and money.

The students don't realise that early sexual activity is exposing them to develop cervical cancer at an early age. The students are at risk of getting sexually transmitted disease with resultant infertility. Some women are unable to get pregnant because they had infection in their fallopian tubes which resulted in scarring of the tissues. Students need to be taught that there is risk to sexual activity. Early sexual activity results in several partners with the risk of infection. Adolescents are at great risk of unplanned pregnancy with disruption of their schooling.

Abstinence should be promoted and its benefits emphasised. Students need sex education programmes to teach them about the care of their bodies.

From a Christian standpoint we should encourage abstinence before marriage. There are medical benefits from this. ABSTINENCE before marriage results in a single partner with less risk of sexually transmitted disease, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, infertility and cervical cancer. When individuals are involved in a committed relationship each partner can bear their responsibility and act as part of a team.

Sexual activity causes poor school performance because the students are less focused and easily distracted. Many students become demotivated and uninterested in their school work. The students need to be taught delay gratification and self-control. They need to have goals and targets as well as future plans.

Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson; call: 978-8602 or 791-1778; or email: yvonniebd@hotmail.com