Kelly

Since my eyes have been at my proverbial knee, two constants I've seen on Jamaican roads are potholes and beggars.

Potholes get fixed, and depending on where you live, are occasionally maintained. But the beggars remain. Their methods and stories may be different but the desired end result remains the same: they want money.

What amuses me most is the way they start the conversation. I've been called everything from "father" (didn't know I had children or was a member of the clergy), "son" (to my knowledge I've never seen either parent stretching hand toward me at a stop light) and "bredda" (I only have one sister, or my father has some explaining to do).

Trying too hard

Some say "my yute" (again, only my parents should qualify here), or "my lord" (while the idea of being a lord is great, I think they're trying too hard) and one fellow even called me "uncle!" (Unless my sister gave birth and didn't tell me, I have no nephews around.) Haven't been referred to as grandpa yet but give it time.

One fellow thought he was being clever by starting out with "I don't have any story enuh". Well, if you don't have a story it means that you're just standing out here with no intention of making a living. Son, you'd better have a story of some kind if I'm going to part with my money! We know most of them are lying when they say they want something to eat anyway. Buy them a patty and most times, it ends up in the garbage.

Those who have fallen on hard times from bad investments or lack of education (hence no decent job opportunity) can probably get some sympathy, but there are some who just take begging to another level.

One woman told me of a neighbour who asked her for some money and she told her she just didn't have it. About two days later she asked again. When the prospective lender asked why she returned in light of the original answer, the borrower said she figured she had visited the ATM by then! Huh? Are we supposed to budget for beggars now?

Begging of all types is now part of the national psyche. We beg 'bly' from police, we beg skip (in a queue) and some of us beg fren' (even though we claim we don't).

Well, I BEG to differ that anybody has to beg to live! Self-sufficiency, people! I saw a one-armed, one-legged man doing odd jobs like painting (he even had to climb ladders!) so he wouldn't have to beg. And they've got all their limbs but want a 'smalls'? Yeah right!

Mi a beg yu, write me @ daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com.