Angela Philipps, Contributor

In the last five years or so I have come across many previously married men and women who have found themselves single again in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s. Their new status is due to divorce in some cases, and the passing on of a spouse in others. Contrary to the preconception that it's harder to lose a loved one when you're young (you expect death once you are over a certain age), it's often more difficult to get over someone you've lived with for 40 or 50 years!

However, this article is not about quantifying heartache, but trying to shed light on how one goes about joining the dating scene after all those years with the same partner.

Not aspiring to remarry

For starters, the older you are the less likely it'll be that you're game for hanging out at bars and nightclubs in order to 'pick up' a compatible companion. I use the term 'companion' because that may be what you're looking for. The majority of you will already have children and grandchildren, so you're not aspiring to remarry, for those reasons. You're accustomed to having company but now that that's gone, you'd like to fill the lonely space in your life.

And after the initial shock of being on your own, you'll realise that there are others in the same position. But where can you go to meet these people? How do you even approach a stranger and strike up a conversation? It's been so long since you flirted with anyone, let alone courted!

What next?

So, assuming you're not going to join the 'meat' market of youngsters, what do you do next? Well, your friends and family might be able to help you out in this situation (dinner parties come to mind), but that could become awkward and embarrassing. I mean, how long after the death of your wife or husband is it OK to put yourself out there? Do you wait six months, a year, a decade?

The truth is there is no definitive timeline. Every individual has his or her own needs and desires. The mourning might never end, but perhaps two sad and lonely hearts could help each other to move on and enjoy the rest of their lives. If those close to you cannot accept this, then that is their problem. They have no right to destroy your chances of happiness.

Where to go

Now that we've got that straight, let's think about where one can go to be acquainted with singletons of a like age. Well, you could take golf lessons, and play a couple times a week. After all, it is considered to be one thing retirees do with their time. And if you really don't like the sport, there's always an opportunity to get chatting to someone in the restaurant/bar after they've finished a round. Another option is to attend the odd polo match which, in Jamaica, is free for everyone. Then, of course, there's church. If you're not religious, then this might not be an option, but for those who are, why not? At least your spirituality would be in sync.

Take turns at hosting

What we really need here is a society which brings together these divorcees and widowed folks. A group that regularly goes to the theatre, attends art exhibitions, plays cards and even dines informally. Each week, one or two members would be responsible for organising the outing or event, and letting everyone know the details (place, time, cost, etc). There could be a roster to determine when it's your turn to be the 'host'.

Indeed, it is not easy to gather yourself up from the bottom of a dark pit, but when you feel ready to socialise and get back to some order of normality, don't for a minute believe that you won't meet another special someone. It's never too late to date.

angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com