Innocence lost
published:
Saturday | August 2, 2008
Petrina Francis, Staff Reporter
At age 12, Shara Brownwas sexually abused by her stepfather on several occasions.
The terrified youngster reveals her ordeal to a school friend whoinforms her mother.
Brown's mother refuses to believe that her husband, who she loves and trusts so much, would even dare to carry out such a gruesome act against her daughter.
So she ignores it and the abuse continues. The abuse stopped after the state got involved. Brown, who now lives in foster care, says she has been severely traumatised by the series of acts that were perpetrated against her. Her innocence was taken from her, much too soon.
Now, at age 17, she hates her mother and is afraid of being around men. She feels as if her life has been wrecked and is very concerned about her future, as it relates to intimate relationships. As for her mother, the husband eventually left the family home and she lost her daughter.
But why do some families cover up carnal abuse and incest cases?
Gender expert Dr Glenda Simms says despite what some women achieve in life, they still suffer from low self-esteem. So she sees her daughter as the object of sexuality and deep in her psyche she ignores what is taking place in her child's life, especially when she can gain financially.
"She is 'licky licky' so if she can get him to bring in the money, she ignores the criminal act," says Simms, adding that as far as the mother is concerned, "a nuh nutten dat".
Simms says this is known as the "gal pickney syndrome", where the girl can be sacrificed. This not only happens in poor families but goes right across the social strata, Simms reveals.
But if a woman's son is being abused by the same man, Simms says all hell would break loose. "She would begin to create one excitement and this time she would kill him, tell a pastor or go to the police," the gender expert says. Simms says the society sees the abuse of boys as abnormal.
"Because we are so homophobic, we pay more attention to the gay men than to the heterosexuals," she notes. Simms explains that society believes that heterosexual relationships are normal even when they are illicit, immoral and criminal.
She also notes that some mothers are powerless and afraid so they allow these acts to continue.
Simms says that fathers are more resistant than mothers when their daughter is being abused. "Because they know that men are terrible but they too will abuse other men's daughter," says Simms.
Name changed to protect identity
petrina.francis@gleanerjm.com
Teach your children about sexual abuse
'Bad' touch: Tell your children that if someone tries to touch their bodies in ways that make them feel uncomfortable, they can and should say NO to the person and tell you about it right away.
Sexual abusers are often known to children and may be family members or friends.
Tell them that their bodies are theirs and that they have the right to tell others not to touch them.
Tell them that respect does not always mean doing what older people tell them to do.
Tell them again and again about sexual abuse so they know what it is and what to do about it.
Help children if they have been sexually abused.
Tell them they can talk to you about anything, including sexual abuse.
If you think something could be wrong, ask them more questions to make sure they are not in danger.
If your child has been sexually abused, stay calm, comfort them and tell them that they have done nothing wrong.
Take them to the local health clinic and also ask about mental health services.
Find help for yourself so you can better support your children.
- Adapted from JA-STYLE/US Department of Veterans Affairs, National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. American Psychological Association.
