1. The wheeler dealer is wasting no time acquiring new assets. His friends were green with envy as he signed on the dotted line for property number five. The sad part is that the wife has been poised with pen in hand waiting for an invitation to put her fist on one of these documents. Nothing so far. What's a girl to do? She could smile and pretend that all is well and do nothing, or she could seek legal advice.

Don't decimate, disseminate, please

2. Did we really hear a sportscaster promise that he would "decimate" information to viewers? Yes, others confirm that this threat was heard on a recent television sports news broadcast. Before we get into the Patois, maybe we should try to master the English language - clearly there is dire need for training. Carimac? What?

Extortion

3. This extortion racket is more serious than many believe. There are persistent reports that some persons from inner-city communities have to pay 'taxes' to the dons each week when they collect their meagre wages. In other instances, we hear that poor rural women in a certain parish are being forced to fork out 'dues' for using the river to wash their clothes. Things are serious.

Noise nuisance

4. Some people who live in the Liguanea area are convinced that the Jamaica Constabulary Force has carefully selected only deaf members to serve at stations like Matilda's Corner, National Stadium and Papine. They say they are haunted by loud party music thumping in their ears as late as 6.30 a.m. on weekdays. And if that is not enough, add regular drag racing to the mix.

Slow poke

5. One cannot accuse the rural police superintendent of being deaf; slow maybe, but not deaf. While carrying out traffic duties in the parish recently, she accosted a motorist who was in possession of her registration disc and other documents. However, because the disc was not displayed she was slapped with an $8,000 fine. A bit harsh one would say. The most startling thing was that it took the officer one hour to write up the ticket!

Airport thieves