Taking the plunge - Before you dive in useful tips can help you adjust to post-wedding life
published:
Saturday | September 6, 2008
You're married! Congratulations! Your life as a couple has officially begun.
So now what?
Going from a single existence to a wedded life can be tricky. Suddenly, you're sharing living space, money and other stuff. You may find yourself arguing over the littlest things such as whose turn it is to wash the dishes or clean the bathroom. It's not always as easy as it looks on TV!
Don't let the transition get you down, though. If you're aware of some of the challenges that await, you and your spouse can prepare to face them - together.
To get you get started, we've put together this guide for life after the wedding and included tips on merging your stuff and dealing with finances. We also give suggestions for one of your first duties as a married couple - writing wedding thank-you notes. Jump in!
Eric Goodwin
------------
Fast marriage facts
According to a study by the US Census Bureau, in 1996, 69 per cent of all men and 76 per cent of all women age 15 and over have been married at least once.
First marriages that end in divorce last, on average, seven to eight years.
College graduates are more likely to marry and less likely to separate.
On average, women are two and a half years younger than their husbands.
The majority of recently separated or divorced adults are between the ages of 25 and 44.
Online:www.census.gov
Her pink comforter. His black leather sofa. Is there hope?
Two homes packed with decades of junk can be successfully merged, but it takes negotiation, discussion and maybe even a little prayer.
Alysa Weinstein, co-founder of New York interior design firm Ruby, says when newlyweds merge their homes, it helps to recognise that one partner might have to part with a favourite piece to satisfy the other.
"Decorating and home possessions can be very emotional," she said. "It just comes down to compromise."
Weinstein recommends choosing only the most important items from your single life and saving room for new memories with your partner.
Her hints:
Ladies, if he refuses to part with the black leather couch that reeks of bachelorhood, ask him to move it into his office or cover it with a slipcover or throw blanket.
Guys, if she can't live without her pink comforter, ask her if it could go in the guest bedroom.
If your new spouse doesn't seem interested in decorating decisions, give him (or her!) some design and architecture magazines. Tell him to rip out the pages he likes and work from there.
If an agreement is still unreachable, Weinstein suggests you invite over friends. For the cost of a pizza or two, friends can be the best mediators — they're honest.
Make it fun; don't think of decorating as a chore.
Be wary about asking parents and family for help — you might just cause more problems.
Invest in sturdy storage containers.
Use magazines, the Internet and sites like eBay for ideas that you can both get on board with.
— Joseph Gidjunis
ONLINE:www.rubylife.com
Money never seemed to be a big issue before marriage.
The must-buy gadget all the magazines raved about? You bought it.
That perfect sweater you were dying to have? You got it. When you were single, you could buy whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted it. (Well, maybe not everything you wanted ...)
But now that you've tied the knot, you can kiss those days of impulse shopping goodbye — someone else is sharing the chequebook.
You've got a budget to live on now. The money you used to call 'mine' is suddenly 'ours'. Although you earn two paycheques, you've got more bills and probably more debt to grapple with. No wonder in national surveys newly-weds cite finances as the major source of conflict in their first year together.
Money issues don't have to be the end of your budding union, though. Here are some helpful tips:
To merge or not to merge finances, that is the question: Truth be told, there is no single correct answer. Certainly, living expenses such as utility bills and rent/mortgage should be paid jointly. And any debt you or your spouse picked up pre-wedding is something you both need to work on paying down together — "for richer or for poorer," remember? However, it's important for some cash to be kept aside so you both have some leeway for personal purchases. Additionally, some experts advise that each spouse keeps some individual accounts to maintain their credit history in the event of divorce.
Get a handle on your debt before it gets a handle on you: First, create a list that includes the name of the creditors you both owe, how much you owe, the interest rate charges and the minimum monthly payment. Make a commitment to pay the monthly minimums and devote any leftover funds toward the creditors that charge the highest interest rates, not the ones you owe the most money. Reducing the amount of interest you owe is the first step to getting out of debt.
Talk, talk and when you're done, talk some more: As a couple, it's important that you set aside time each month to discuss your finances. Marriage is a partnership, after all. Over time, priorities change and that will affect where funds are allotted. That's OK, but the lines of the communication must stay open so you can work through the issues as a team.
