Not long after the 'I dos' come the 'Oh nos', the 'I don't knows' and the 'My ways'.

But no relationship manual is presented at the altar - couples are expected to suddenly live together in harmony.

Terrence Real, founder of the Relational Recovery Institute, knows it's not that easy.

He says most fights occur during the first year of marriage. After the wedding, a couple's first commitment is no longer to their family, friends or work, but to each other, and that can be quite a transition.

"Before you were married, you were the host inviting your wife to be with your family," Real said. "After the wedding, you're inviting your family into your house with your wife."

Couples face a million tiny decisions, from how to handle finances and return phone messages, to when, where and how to eat dinner. Real says negotiations during the first 12 months - endless as they may seem - are necessary to create a strong marriage. He recommends:

Negotiating with humility: Instead of shaking a finger in his or her face and demanding, "This is how it should be," tell your partner: "This is how I like it."

Embracing the partnership: Get rid of the picture of your ex, throw out the black book of phone numbers and make room for objects that symbolise your new partnership.

Regulating bad habits: When it comes to personal habits, healthy couples should periodically teach each other where the line is, and discuss habits in a constructive way.

Acting as a gatekeeper: Protect your partner from feeling betrayed by your family by acting as the 'gatekeeper' between your spouse and your family when issues arise (as they always do).

Delegating chores: If you're never late on a bill and know to the penny how much you spend each month, maybe you should volunteer to handle the family's bank accounts. But make sure your partner has equal say in financial matters.

No matter how much communicating a couple does, Real says there will be times when everything breaks down. But just because your partner acts like a nut doesn't mean you should do the same. Take 20 minutes to cool off and start over.