A section of the quiet town of Chapelton in Clarendon. - photos by Norman Grindley/Deputy Chief Photographer

Ahh - ChapeLton. The place where everyone seems to move in slow motion and where there are more bicycles on the roads than cars. It was in the heart of this sleepy Clarendon town that I came across Miss Alice and her grandson Jermain. Miss Alice was just stepping out of the rather scantily stocked Chapelton Market with two large plastic bags full of produce while her grandson was holding an alarmingly large melon over his head.

"Bwoy pickney, if yuh drop di melon ah gwine pepper yuh behind today!" the woman shouted. Jermain's eyes widened and he clutched the melon tighter.

Miss Alice must have been close to 80 years old, but was as frisky as a teenager. She wore her thick, graying hair in a ponytail and her spectacles on her nose. She was no more than five feet tall and was wearing a polka-dot dress and very clean, white sneakers. The woman and her grandson walked over to a sign with the words 'Taxi Stand' written on it. I walked over to Miss Alice and introduced myself.

Reprimand

"How yuh do?" the woman said, smiling. The boy just yawned. "Kibba yuh mouth!" Miss Alice screamed. Jermain seemed surprised by the reprimand and, in a hurry to cover his mouth before the yawn was over, nearly caused the melon to topple to the ground.

"Mine yuh drop di melon!" his grandmother shouted again. Luckily, the boy managed to regain his grasp in time. I asked Miss Alice if she lived nearby. "Yes man, very close. Mi and di bwoy just come get some tings a di market fi go back. Wi caan tarry, for mi lef di pot a bwile and even though mi edda grandson is there, fi him head tuff and him might mek di pot bubble over," she said.

Beep! Beep! A white car sped around the cormer and stopped suddenly in front of the woman and her grandson. Jermain moved towards the car. Boop! The woman planted a heavy fist on to the boy's back, which almost sent him to the ground. "Tan up! How much time mi fi tell yuh seh yuh nuh fi teck dem boogie yagga taxi yah? Eh?" Miss Alice shouted. The boy got himself together and the car drove off. The woman redirected her attention to me.

"Anyway, mi was telling yuh dat mi have a pot boiling, so if yuh would like, yuh is welcome to visit and have some," she smiled.

I thanked the woman but told her that I was unable to accept her invitation at that time.

"Well, when time yuh visit again, yuh is welcome to it," she said.

Beep! Beep! Another car pulled up in front of them. This time, Jermain did not move a muscle, but glanced up at his grandmother instead.

"Bwoy yuh tan up deh like statue! Move nuh man! Wah yuh a wait pan?" she shouted and Jermain ran towards the car. "Anyhow, I gone leave yuh, so teck care until next time," Miss Alice said and slowly got into the car.

Implicit suggestion

As the vehicle sputtered off, I was approached by a skinny fellow who smelled of cheese and wholesale perfume. "Boss, yuh ah buy a shoes?" he said. I told him that I had no plans to, and was about to leave the area anyway.

"Yuh ah buy sugar cane?" he asked. I asked him if he was selling both sugar cane and shoes. "Anything yuh need. Even comb fi yuh hair," he said, looking up at my head. I decided to ignore the implicit suggestion about the state of my hair and, instead, changed the subject by asking him about Chapelton.

"Chapelton dead dead. Nothing nah gwaan yah so. Everything tired. Yuh a buy a standing fan?" he said.

I reiterated my disinterest. "Anyway, mi gawn look a sale, more time!" he said, and was off. The last I saw of him, he had cosied up next to a seemingly annoyed elderly man. "Yuh a buy a gold chain?" I heard him say.

robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com

Vendors in the Chapelton Market in Clarendon seem to have a lot of time on their hands.

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