Dr Jennifer Mamby-Alexander, Contributor

Dr Jennifer Alexander has been cancer free for 20 years.

For some of us, the way we feel about ourselves is linked to the way we look, and losing your hair can be devastating.

After meeting with my oncologist, I was told that I would experience hair loss. Not all chemotherapy drugs cause total hair loss, some cause the hair to 'thin'. However, because my diagnosis was missed for three years, I would have to receive high doses of chemotherapy to fight the disease. Despite the warning from my doctor, I was hoping against the odds for only hair thinning.

I had heard that if I placed a tight rubber band around my scalp during treatment that the blast of the drugs would not affect my hair roots. I was grasping at straws and collected all the rubber bands I could find.

Another patient I knew was responding to the suggestion that if she cooled her scalp during the treatment, the drugs would not affect her hair roots. So, during the first treatment, I armed myself with my tight rubber band and she put her head in the fridge.

Devastated

After the third week, disaster struck us both. My hair looked like a bird's nest resting on a smooth inflated ball. Everything just slid off and filled my waste basket. I was devastated - I had long, thick, dark hair and it was all gone.

Coupled with the total loss of my breast with the mastectomy, I sank into the lowest state of depression that I have ever experienced. I lost hope, and felt that I could not go on. I immediately had to set short-term goals for myself over four-hour intervals just to make it through that day. After each four-hour interval, I barely had enough strength to make it through the next four hours. By the time my son came home from school, I quickly remembered that the reason for doing the treatment was to fight this disease so that I could be alive for my children. I bounced back in 48 hours and was once again on track with the treatment.

Wigs

I began sporting several wigs. Soon after, I lost my eyelashes, eyebrows and all my body hair. My skin and nails turned black. A few times in public, when my wig was not properly secured, it turned and the front and back ended up over both ears. As I adjusted it, a few persons glanced at me, but happily did not seem to care. Many times, when I felt unattractive and unfeminine, I coped by wearing make-up, while reminding myself why I was on this journey. Daily, I used these words from a Bob Marley song to boost me: "Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be all right" and knew he sang it only for me. My supportive friends and family helped to keep me rooted on the road to success. I am not sure if losing my hair was worse than the mastectomy. The daughter of a friend of mine who was going through the same experience asked her mom not to pick her up at school until her hair grew back. However, when it actually happened, her daughter was fine with it and actually shaved her head to empathise with her mom.

After completing my chemotherapy, my hair started to regrow. During that period, I still had a few bald patches on my scalp and I went to the hairdresser for support. Two of her clients looked at my head and giggled. I was very hurt, but realised that people will hurt you even when you are suffering. My hair grew back fully and I regained my strength and some of my confidence. It took about six months for me to recover and feel like myself again.

For women who must face this temporary tragedy in their lives, remember that, sometimes, we are fooled by the darkness that comes just before the dawn. Cope by looking beyond the illness and meditate on your wellness until it becomes as real to you as the air you breathe.

Dr Jennifer Mamby Alexander is a breast cancer survivor, and author of , 'A Practical Guide to Coping with Cancer'.