Q. I've been dating a guy for several months. At the beginning, I told him that I wasn't going to have sex with him, and I thought that this would mean that he would leave after a couple of weeks.However, he is still around, and we have got closer. So I am now contemplating on whether we should have sex.
The fact is that our relationship is getting dull and boring because there is no sexual intercourse. And I've never been with someone this long without going to bed with him.
However, last year I reached a stage where I got fed up of giving my body to men. Usually, they ended up hurting me and then leaving me.
This current man is not perfect, but I do have deep feelings for him. In fact, I'm scared that I've fallen in love with him. I know that my feelings for him are genuine because they are not based on sex, like in my past relationships. Do you think I should now have sex with him?
A. Wow! This is a tricky question! Incidentally, I am sorry that it has taken me a little while to answer it.
A lot depends on your age, which you haven't given me. If you are 16 or 17, then I would unhesitatingly tell you not to have sex now.
However, if you are 20 or more, that would be quite a different matter as you'd be more mature.
You have clearly been hurt by men in the past. You have given them your body, and they have used and discarded you.
You have become not only reluctant to have sex, but also reluctant to commit to anyone. It is noteworthy that you are 'scared' that you might have fallen in love. Most people are DELIGHTED when they fall in love!
Talk to this guy and tell him how you feel. Inform him that you have fallen in love.
He might react to this by deciding to terminate your relationship. That is how some males are.
On the other hand, he might declare his undying love for you. If so, let us hope that he means it!
Having had this conversation with him, should you offer him sex?
Possibly. I am impressed by the fact that this guy has stuck with you - even though he is getting no sexual 'favours'. Maybe the time has come when you might regard him as a long-term sexual partner - maybe even a husband one day.
However, you must bear in mind the eternal medical RISKS of having sex with someone. These are:
Catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Getting pregnant - and thus maybe spoiling your career prospects. Getting the HPV virus that is mainly responsible for cervical cancer.As I say, a lot depends on your age. But if you decide to go ahead, make sure that during the early stages of your sexual relationship, you always use a condom. I wish you well.
Q. I am a 19-year-old guy and I have noticed some BLOOD when I 'go out'. I am really afraid that this may be cancer. What do you think?A. At your age, the odds against cancer are very great, I am glad to say. However, it would be a different thing if you were 49 or 59.
But in a young guy, the usual cause of blood appearing in faeces is piles (haemorrhoids). Nevertheless, I think you should see a doc this week and have your anus examined. I am sure all will be well.
Q. I am a young woman, aged 19. I recently learned that scented panty liners can cause yeast infection. My pubic area has been itching me and I am wondering if that is because of the panty liners? Or could it be that it has happened because I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend just before we broke up?A. Panty liners cannot actually CAUSE yeast infections - although I suppose that they could create conditions of warmth, which would make it easier for yeast to flourish.
Although it was clearly unwise to have had unprotected sex, there is no proof that he gave you a yeast infection. Since you are experiencing itching around the vulva, go to a doctor so he can run some tests. If you turn out to have a yeast infection, it is a very treatable condition.
Q. I am a 22-year-old woman. Can a man's discharging into a woman's mouth make her pregnant?
A. I receive this question regularly in my postbag. As I hope you know, oral sex can give you STIs but it cannot make you pregnant.
Q. I am a teenager and I would like some information about the human papilloma virus (HPV). Is it possible for a male to get it? What does it do? And could I be tested for it?A. HPV is extremely common in young people and is generally passed on through sexual intercourse.
Some strains (that is, types) of HPV cause cancer of the cervix in women. In men, it is much less likely to cause problems, but it is thought to be occasionally associated with cancer of the penis, or of the rectum - especially in gay guys.
It would be very difficult to test you for it. To avoid catching it, you should steer clear of sleeping around. Always use a condom.
Q I am a 19-year-old man and I am having a lot of trouble with ingrowing hairs on my chin. Any ideas, Doc?A. This is a common problem that is difficult to treat. Good tips are:
Don't shave closely. Shave WITH the growth of the hair, rather than against it. Consider getting 'Somerset oil', which is reportedly more soothing than shaving foam. If you feel brave enough to try and remove ingrowing hairs, a technique is described at www.wikihow.com. Want advice from Doc on maladies and other concerns? Email questions to saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com or post to Doctor's Advice, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.
