Petrina Francis, Staff Reporter

Some children have good relationships with their fathers while others yearn for the day when daddy would even give them a hug.

Growing up without a fathers love can be devastating for some children, whose resentment and anger rise as they grow into adulthood.

Samantha Shaw was daddy's girl when she was growing up. She would stay up at night just to help him eat his dinner. She played in his hair and enjoyed going to the beach and other places with him.

But suddenly things changed. Shaw became a teenager. Then her dad stopped relating to her the way he used to.

"When I turned 13 or so, Daddy and I no longer talked and it really hurt because this was the time when I needed him the most," Shaw relates.

No fatherly love

Shaw, who lived with her father and stepmother, tells Saturday Life that she felt like a stranger in the house.

"I felt that I was left to grow up all by myself with no fatherly love. It really hurt when I used to see children out with their fathers and I didnt have one with mine," she tells Saturday Life.

"He bought everything that I needed for school, he gave me lunch money, he even beat me once and then gave me money after.

"But he stopped showing me love and that to me was even more important than the money," says Shaw, now 29.

Shaw says her father has a six-year-old daughter, with whom he gets along. In fact, Shaw said, her stepsister enjoys similar pleasures she had during her youth.

"I really hope, for my sister's sake, that the relationship continues as is," she says.

Jonathan McDonald, on the other hand, didnt grow up with his father. Today, he is very bitter that the man who was partly responsible for bringing him into this world left him when he was age two and has not blessed eyes on him since.

"I am very upset about this but all I can do now is to make sure that this does not happen to my child," McDonald tells Saturday Life.

Lanny Davidson, founder of Father In Action and Father Crisis Centre, says dads are crucial to child development.

Citing statistics in the United States, Davidson says 85 per cent of the men in prison are from female-headed households. He also says 98 per cent of the men on death row never knew their fathers.

Statistics are similar in Jamaica, Davidson tells Saturday Life.

Fathers seem to have a calming effect, especially on boys, and so they are needed in the households to mentor and teach our children.

Davidson says several persons with whom he has spoken from inner-city communities say they hate their fathers, adding that there was a gang in one community which dubbed itself, the 'Fatherless Crew'.

The mens group boss says the problem is dichotomous: Men who shirk their responsibilities; or those who give up on the family home because their partners are driving them away.

Davidson attributes the rise in fatherless homes to failed marriages and common-law unions. However, he asserts that dads should play a visible role in childrens lives despite the fallout from toxic relationships.

What were the ill effects of fatherlessness on your life? Or maybe you had a great dad and you'd like to share that experience. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com

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