Jaslin Salmon, POSITIVE Parenting

This is the fifth instalment in our series from the book, Parenting a Child's Perspective, written by Dr Jaslin Salmon. Watch for the themes in the series: illness and death, siblings and parent-child relationships.

There is something I don't understand. Grown-ups say we must always tell the truth. But they don't always tell the truth. Dad always says "Honesty is the best policy". I don't know what that means, but he says it when he thinks I am not telling the truth.

I am mad at grown-ups because they think they are always right. They think that their truth is better than our truth. I don't know what is the truth. Because sometimes they don't tell the truth and say it's the truth. And sometimes, when I tell the truth, they get mad.

Confused

I get very confused about the truth. Truth is a grown-up word. And children don't understand it. But grown-ups think we do.

One day we were all at home. And someone rang the doorbell. Dad was expecting someone. But he didn't want to see the person. He told Mom that she should tell the person he was not here. Mom went to the door. And I followed her. Mom was about to talk to the man. But I spoke first. I told the man that Dad said he didn't want to see him. Mom told the man that I was only four years old and I misunderstand sometimes. She took a message for Dad. The man left.

Dad got mad

Mom told Dad what I said. And they were both mad at me. I didn't know what I had done wrong. Lorna told Mom and Dad that they shouldn't be mad at me. Because I was telling the truth. And they weren't. I thought I had told the truth. But now I don't know, because Mom and Dad got mad. Lorna began to argue with Mom and Dad. She told them they were being unfair; and that just because they are grown-ups doesn't mean they are always right. My Mom and Dad say I should always tell the truth. But I get into trouble a lot for telling the truth.

My grandmother and grandfather visit all the time. My grandfather smokes a pipe. My Mom and Dad don't smoke. And they think smoking is bad for you. I ask them what makes it bad. And they say it can make you sick. They say some people die from smoking.

One day when my grandfather came to visit, I asked him if he wanted to die. He said no. I asked him why he smoked. He said because he liked it. I told him that he will die if he smokes. He said that's not true because he has smoked all his life and he hasn't died. He said his father smoked and it didn't kill him. I told my grandfather that my Mom says he will die from smoking.

When Mom came where we were, my grandfather asked her why she told me that he would die from smoking. Mom said she didn't tell me that. I was sure that Mom had told me and I told her so.

Didn't tell a lie

Children seen at a church in Bridgeport, Portmore, St Catherine, recently. - file photos

I wondered what my grandfather would do. He did what grown-ups always do. He believed Mom. He told me it isn't nice to tell lies. I didn't tell a lie. So I was mad.

My Mom and Dad said some people die from smoking. My grandfather smokes and he is a person. So he will die from smoking. Maybe Mom didn't say the right thing. I know I didn't say the wrong thing. It would help us if grown-ups would say things so we can understand. I tell things the way I understand them. And I know I was telling the truth.

When my grandfather was leaving he had the pipe in his mouth. He took it out and hugged me. He held me in his arms and was talking to me.

His mouth was close to my face so I said, "Grandfather your breath stinks." And I pulled away.

Got in trouble

Mom grabbed me by the arm and said, in a loud voice, "Don't you ever say that to your grandfather." She scared me and I began to cry.

Mom and Dad say I am to tell the truth always. And I did tell the truth. But I got in trouble. It is hard to be a child. Grown-ups make us feel like we can't do anything right. I still don't know what I said wrong. Because Grandfather's breath did smell.

NEXT WEEK: I am confused

Dr Jaslin Salmon is a professor of sociology and is also trained in counselling and psychotherapy. He is currently president/CEO of the International Institute for Social, Political and Economic Change (IISPEC) in Kingston, Jamaica (www.iispec.org). The book can be purchased at Sangster's Book Stores, Kingston Bookshop, amazon.com and Trafford.com/07-1449.

Children of the Seventh-day Adventist Basic School in Job Lane, Spanish Town, St Catherine, during prayer at an Open Day at the school in July.