Dear Dr Abel,

I was browsing through The Gleaner's Healthy Men Magazine of October 22, and was drawn to the article you penned on abusive relationships. You probably will agree that the first thing that comes to one's mind when one sees this topic is a scenario where the man is the aggressor and the woman is the victim.

Sir, respectfully, in reading your article I find that you too were trapped in that state of thinking, and as such you came across biased in addressing the issue. I would have liked to hear your advice to a man who finds himself in a situation where he is the victim.

Withholding sex

I am not now speaking of a 'soft' man, but a man who, for example, is committed to the needs of his family in every way you can think of and the wife or spouse does not show him respect. This lack of respect leads her to talk down to him in front of his children and, if he dares to stand up to her, she gets loud and vulgar, spites him by withholding sex or even not providing his meal.

Now Doc, in all this, isn't this abuse of the man? Albeit it is not physical, but emotional abuse and the emotional side of a man is very delicate. When that is trampled upon it hurts like hell. And guess what, that man suffers in silence because society sees the abuse of the man and accepts it. That man needs help, but is afraid to cry out for it because people will think, 'How dare a man complain to anyone that his woman is abusing him'. Doc, I want to hear you on this side of the coin. Thank you sir, and have a good day.

- Jhonnobros

What do men and women want?

Dear Ms Thompson,

I was reading articles by you in The Gleaner's Healthy Men Magazine of October 22. I noted your articles on 'Be brave in your relationships and 'What do men and women want'. Which leads me to ask, what do you think about male marginalisation and how would you define same? I say this as I am of the opinion that males feel that they are being bypass for certain positions in our society, which they believe are 'rightfully' theirs. Would you say this is an aspect of male marginalisation or not? I am in a relationship and due to the fact that I am earning much more than my partner, he complains in innuendos that men are being marginalised in the workplace and not getting a fair deal in the society. He is not abusive, but sometimes I don't like the innuendos. Explain for me male marginalisation. Thanks much. Keep up the good articles, they are enlightening.

- Claudine

Dear Reader,

Thanks for reading my articles and for the encouragement. This issue of male marginalisation is a huge topic which is challenging to respond to in a few sentences. To the best of my knowledge, the term became popular after a UWI professor presented among other things findings of research of declining enrolment and matriculation of young men in tertiary schools. Fewer young men are accessing tertiary education and therefore it is not unusual, in my opinion, that their partners, as in your case, will access better career opportunities and earn more.

However, from a sociological perspective, the dominant superstructure is still patriarchal and so male thought and world view still mediate daily living and determine role structures, entertainment, and so on. So personally, I find it difficult to agree that men are marginalised. They just have to go to school. No job 'rightfully' belongs to anyone - it's the best man or woman for the job.

Cheers,

Eulalee Thompson

Send questions and comments to our health specialists at Your Health, c/o The Gleaner, 7 North Street, Kingston; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com. Unless otherwise indicated, letters and the specialists' responses are usually published.