The Soloist, Contributor

Well, well, who would have thought a little column about being labelled a lesbian would elicit so many comments? Most of it was positive, so thanks for the support, and a sample of your letters is on page three.

But this week, I am going to touch the vexed issue of cheating, or as we here in Jamaica love to say, 'the giving and getting of bun!' - not just at Easter. There are more than enough references for me to draw on. You see, my gal pals think women do a better job of giving bun than men and my male friends grudgingly agree. The reason is simple: men leave a long untidy trail of guilty evidence behind. Women are mysterious and prefer to just silently and secretly enjoy the fact that their men are in blissful ignorance of their side orders, (unless they are both Chinese and have a black baby).

So, how do we know these facts? By realistic observations, of course! The older the man, the quicker his mate will discover he's giving bun. It almost always coincides with his andropause years. Yes, the time he finds his second spring. The popular label is midlife crisis. You see, he's so damned happy that a pretty young thing finds his huge belly, receding hairline, and slowed gait cloaked in an overdose of high morals attractive, he stops just short of taking out a Gleaner ad.

Changed pattern

Then the pattern subtly changes at home; he's buying you presents for no reason; he's into a totally new set of television programmes; he has to move away from you to answer the phone at odd times and, the best one yet, he starts to accuse you of giving him bun!

Of course, there are the wardrobe changes, longer hours at 'work', he starts to criticise things about you he'd learnt to live with all these years, he gets a new hobby, he starts going to the gym and he seems suddenly so distracted around you.

And, after all these years, many bun-giving men are still taking a bath with her soap and coming home smelling a lot different than they did when they left.

Now, the bun-giving woman does not have to go through all that transformational stress. You see, the new object of her desire likes her and appreciates her just the way she is. Plus, as the smarter sex, we don't have to move away when our cellphones ring. We simply carry on a conversation in the ear that's farther away from you and use the prearranged code. And speaking of phone, the cellular is the best bun-giving aid since Eve bamboozled Adam.

Yes, we could be spread leisurely over our favourite six-pack on a beach in Negril while giving the helper instructions about your dinner and the children's homework, seemingly still on the job! Don't try this if the car has a tracking device and make sure you adjust the speedometer. See, I told you we think of everything! This works even better if we have a travelling job and a legitimate reason to be in Negril.

If you have an interesting tale that relates to this subject, share it with us at:Lifestyle@gleanerjm.com.