Angela Philipps, Gleaner Writer

You're newly single and unclear about what to do now. You've been so used to having someone 'special' in your life, that when you get home you find yourself twiddling your thumbs and wondering what the next step is. It's rather depressing that you feel almost intimidated by being alone. I mean, 'you' are the only person in the world with whom you've spent every moment since you were conceived. Why on earth would it be such a bad outcome to be on your own at this point?

the break-up

Well, simply put, it's a better scenario than the one in which this reader was in before breaking off her relationship:

"I had been dating a guy for almost five years and he would spend every summer in the United States. This summer we had planned to spend our summer together as I finally had the opportunity to travel to the same state he was in. Unfortunately, however, I found out the same week I arrived that he was having an affair with another girl in America. I was devastated and I became depressed. I left America and returned to Jamaica and he called me asking me to forgive him. I said I would but I was made aware that he was still seeing the same girl after he begged for my forgiveness.

"When I confronted him, he told me that he 'thinks' he loves her and 'she took only a few weeks' to understand him. The reason he left me was because I decided to wait until I was ready to have sex, and he told me he'd wait but he didn't.

"It's been three months since we've broken up and even though I am approached by other men I still cannot find the courage to even think about seeing anybody because of the fear of my heart being broken again ... I fear that I may end up alone for the rest of my life because of what was done to me. I fear I still have feelings for him and it gets me upset each time I think about him. Is there anything that could help me to forget the past and find the courage to put myself out there again?"

The problem now is that she is unsure of how to move on, and I'm certain that there are many of you in a similar position. I used to feel like this, until a friend of mine gave me a book called In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant. I had recently broken up with 'the love of my life' and although I had a fabulous job, and wonderful friends and family to support me, I did not know what to do with myself.

I was desperate for any suggestions that might help me through this difficult time, so I started reading this book. It seems a little strange at the beginning, telling readers to clean out their cupboards, tidy the space around them, remove all the clutter in their home, sweep the floors, and so on. Oh, it was maddening for me at first. Honestly, how was this going to be of any benefit to my heart and soul? However, I soon realised that what the author was really trying to say is that it was time that I dusted off myself.

forgetting me

Between each boyfriend I had, I was always waiting and looking for the next. I wanted to find love so badly that I had forgotten to discover me. Even though there were times when I was scared to be with another man because of a devastating ending, I was subconsciously relieved when I settled into the subsequent relationship.

Throughout all of this, I never stopped to think about my deep desires or dreams. I never thought that clearing out my mind of negative and bad feelings could possibly be that good for me, but in time I came to see that the one thing I needed and had to do in the meantime was a little mental housekeeping.

Angelaphilippsja@hotmail.com.