Keisha Shakespeare-Blackmore, Staff Reporter

Under normal circumstances, when a woman discovers she is pregnant, she is happy. But Rebecca* was not. Eight years ago, she received an HIV diagnosis close to the time she learnt of her pregnancy.

At the time, she was 34 years old and in a relationship with someone she thought she could trust. With the pregnancy, she had to do a routine HIV test. A few days later, the hospital called with the result, but she was not worried. In fact, a couple weeks earlier, she had found out that her parents were diabetics and had taken a blood sugar test also. Plus, she had rheumatoid arthritis.

"I thought it had to do with my blood sugar test or my rheumatoid arthritis. Plus, I was a high-risk patient because of my age, and it was my first pregnancy," said Rebecca.

At the hospital, she got the shock of her life. They told her they found traces of HIV antibodies in her blood and would like to do more tests.

"When the doctor told me that they found traces of the virus in my blood, I had a negative reaction, so he called my supervisor to say I would not be coming in to work."

Supervisor curious

She said her supervisor became curious and started asking questions. Finally, one day she told her about the HIV antibodies in her blood. Shortly thereafter, rumours started at the office and everything in her life began to change.

"I was 'read' out of Church, but I looked to the Lord and He was my cornerstone. I believe it was my payment for the wrongs that I had done, having sex and getting pregnant out of marriage," she said sadly. And to make matters worse, she lost the baby eight months into the pregnancy.

It was an awful period in her life. "I wanted to run away and hide."

She said she was usually close to her relatives, but after they discovered she was HIV-positive, they began discriminating against her. She said that when her father died and her sisters came for the funeral, they, too, treated her like an outcast. They would not eat or drink from her or use the same utensils she did.

House of discrimination

The church also became the house of discrimination. That did not stop her from attending service. But she said there were lots of whispers and rumours. No one would sit beside her. Even if someone was at the altar praying and she went beside them, they would move. "But, I let them all know I was not going anywhere, so they would have to deal with me."

Work also became unbearable for her. She told Flair that she was up for a promotion, but she did not get it because they did not think she would live very long, so she became marginalised and was sidestepped. She lost weight and had several losses in her life at that time, which affected her terribly.

She thought they may have wanted to fire her but could not because she was the union representative. But they promoted someone else instead. Realising what was happening, she went to speak with the company's vice-president. He asked if she wanted to go public, but she was not ready for that so she let it rest.

The atmosphere at her work place became even more tense. Her tea cup was set aside from the rest and no one wanted to use the utensils at the cafeteria. She complained to her supervisor to no avail. So she took matters into her own hands.

"I took home the cup and offered no one anything to eat and if they wanted anything from me, I would declare my status."

Biggest challenges

However, her biggest challenges were with the opposite sex. She said she tried working things out with the boyfriend who had given her the virus but, he did not believe that he had it, so he never got tested and he had a lot of women. She ended their relationship. He has since died. If she met someone and things got serious, she would tell them of her status.

But they simply disappeared or offered friendship instead. She was no longer seen as sexually attractive and that hurt.

Currently, she is in an Internet relationship, but she also worries that when they meet in person it will be different.

She is now a lot calmer and a lot less aggressive and defensive than when she was first diagnosed. When she looks in the mirror, she now sees that she is slowly dying and there are many things she still wants to do. Like simply walking in the rain, but she is afraid to get pneumonia and die.

Rebecca wants to be loved for who she is. She said she knows that if she was not HIV-positive her love life would be different. "Girlfriends do so much and no more."

However, she has gained her co-workers' respect and was recently promoted.

*Name changed to protect identity.

Send comments to keisha.shakespeare@gleanerjm.com.