The reality of sex for teenagers - Are you ready for it at 14?

Published: Monday | January 5, 2009


Emma Dalton-Brown, Gleaner Writer

Indeed, times have changed since I was a teenager, in the early '90s, but the sexual immaturity of kids within the same age group has remained the same. For some reason, they don't see it that way. Has the breakdown of the family unit contributed to the irresponsible promiscuity of the youth?

There is no question that as boys and girls enter puberty, certain interests in the opposite gender, and physical feelings towards them, arise. Crushes develop into relationships and sentiments of love are exchanged in whispers. It can be a very exciting, yet nerve-racking, time for any young person. The pressure to go at least one step further, if not more, than kissing on the mouth, can be extreme. Your classmates may ridicule you for being frigid or chicken, and your friends may tell you that it's cool to practise oral sex or even sexual intercourse. The two have similar emotional repercussions, so don't be fooled.

I recently spoke to a group of 14-year-old girls. They were still distraught over an incident that happened to one of their peers last year. One of the kids from school arranged to have a party while his parents were out. During the course of the evening, everyone seemed to be having a wicked time!

Embarrassed

The girl in question, however, experienced quite the opposite. Whether she was persuaded by the guy she liked or decided on her own to do it, she ended up in a bedroom performing oral sex on him. It traumatised her and she ran off weeping to her friends. The impact of this escapade has stung them all to this day. As for the boy? After being pretty chuffed with himself, he stopped bragging and became remorseful and embarrassed.

If this had led to intercourse itself, who knows what other consequences might have come out of it. A sexually transmitted disease, for one, or pregnancy. Possibly both.

The naivety of everyone of us who has crossed through the teen years is a blessing and a curse. To be free of the world's troubles and responsibilities is a wonderful thing that we each deserve to enjoy before hitting our 20s. However, this privilege must be respected and does not come without its own set of rules.

There are no instruction books for parents when it comes to raising their children. They want, and try, to do the best they can. Their love for their children has no boundaries, but they are not perfect. This is why communication is the key when it comes to a mother, father, son and daughter relationship.

As a parent, you want your children to obey you. As a teen, you want your parents to listen to your opinions and dreams and to understand you (or at least attempt to do so). Each family should be sitting down together, discussing ways in which they can work out a system that is reasonable. It's not always going to be easy, but the ramifications of not doing so could be dire.

When broaching such a delicate subject as sex, a mother or father has to be mindful of not treating their teens as if they were babies. However, listen up boys and girls. If you feel that you are old enough to be sexually active, then consider the following. Are you old enough to have a child of your own? Can you afford to support this baby? Are you up to the task of taking on every duty that comes with being a parent? If not, then there is no way that you are ready for sex at 14!

emmadaltonbrown@gmail.com