DOCTOR"S ADVICE - Can't keep it up after climax

Q. Doc, I am engaged to be married to a beautiful girl. We do not have much experience of sex, but she is a passionate woman and she says she "adores" going to bed with me. Only problem is this - often, I climax just when she was about to. And at that moment, I instantly lose my erection. So I just cannot go on. Sometimes this makes her mad, and she has called me selfish. But I do not mean to be selfish, Doc. It's just that the moment I have orgasmed, I can't help myself collapsing. So is there something wrong with me? I am sure that all guys ought to be able to stay erect after they have climaxed.

A.  No, you are mistaken about that point. A lot of young men think that they should be able to continue after orgasming. But the medical fact is that most men cannot do this.

When the average man reaches orgasm, the blood immediately starts flowing out of his penis. The result is that his erection disappears. Indeed, in many men, the organ actually becomes 'super-sensitive' at that moment, so that they cannot even bear to have it touched for a while.

I must add that there are a few guys who are not like I have described, and who can continuing having intercourse after they have climaxed - though usually with a less firm erection. But within a few seconds of reaching orgasm, the great majority of men simply have to stop. So, please show your fiancée what I have written (just above), and tell her that this shows you are not being selfish!

But what are you two going to do about this problem? Well, the most important thing is to prevent this highly sexed young woman from becoming frustrated. So you really need to give her as many orgasms as she wants, by using the simple techniques which are generally known as love play. You can find out what these are by simply Googling the words 'love play'. But essentially they involve using your fingers or lips to stimulate her clitoral area.

What many experienced males do is to employ their fingertips before, during and after intercourse - in order to give their partners orgasms. If a skilled guy reaches his climax while the lady is still begging for more, then it is easy for him to stroke and rub her clitoris until she 'comes'.  I hope this advice will help the two of you. One other thing. if there is any possibility that you yourself are reaching your orgasm too quickly (a condition called premature ejaculation), then you should see a doctor about ways of slowing yourself down.

Q. I am a female, age 18. I have just started taking the Pill, and I am getting some odd, tender feelings in my breasts. Could this be cancer, Doc? Also, I talked to a friend of mine about it, and she told me where the Pill makes your breasts bigger. Is that true? And is that what is happening to me?

A. This is not cancer, so please forget about that idea. But one of the commonest side-effects of the Pill is breast tenderness, and that is what you are experiencing. It should go away over the next few months. And if it doesn't, you can just ask your doctor to change you to a next brand of Pill.

Finally, you ask whether the oral contraceptive makes the breasts bigger. In some women there is a very slight increase in fullness during the three weeks of Pill-taking, though that usually disappears during the week's break from the Pill. I must stress that I am talking about a tiny increase, No woman should go on the Pill in the hope of increasing her bra size by a couple of inches, because that just won't happen.

Q. I am a guy of 16. Two weeks ago, I went on holiday to England with my family and somehow got seduced by an English girl of 19. Now I find that whenever time I pass urine, it pains me. Is this connected with my affair with the young English lady?

A. I guess so. The likelihood is that you have picked up an infection from her - most probably chlamydia. This is not her fault, as I expect she didn't know she had the germ. Please go to a doc as soon as possible, taking a fresh specimen of urine with you. He will do tests, and give you whatever treatment is necessary. You will be cured.  If possible, I think you should text the young woman in England and tell her that she needs to go to a clinic for testing.

Q. I am a student, age 17, and I am thinking of starting to use that 'internal sanitary protection'. But my friend has told me that tampons take away your virginity. Is that so, Doc?

A. Legally, the only thing that can take away your virginity is having sex with a guy. However, tampons do generally break the hymen. Also known as the virgin's veil, this is the little membrane which stretches across the vagina in females who have not had sex. If it is important to you that you should retain your hymen, then you should not use tampons. But these days, many young women do not fret about their hymens, and just go ahead and use the internal tampons.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.